Left + Right

Left:

I'm difficult. I know I'm difficult. I try not to be difficult and I become even more difficult.

Right:

Right now I'm struggling to be a better communicator without coming off confrontational. It's hard for me to get in the right place mentally where I can voice my concerns without letting my emotions take over. It frustrates those I attempt to communicate with and it frustrates me. 

Left:

Your voice cannot be heard through your emotions. Control is key.

Right:

I'm learning to be gentle with myself because I have grown. I am able to see where I have allowed my emotions takeover, but never in time to stop the escalation.

Left:

...

Womanhood Says...

Dear Depression

Dear Depression,

Go the fuck away!
Nobody wants to hear what you have to say
You make me weakness personified
My self-hate is magnified
My perspective is so small I have more blind spots than a big rig.

Just stop fucking following me
You are like the worst kind of stalker
I mean aren't you supposed to like flatter me creepily
I guess you're more like a troll
You find pleasure in pain
Any therapist would tell you that not very healthy, you know

Maybe you should seek help
Get to the bottom of why you're like this
You'll have more friends when therapy is through
The truth is I don't hate you
In fact some days I appreciate you
You remind me I'm human
You remind me I feel
You make me grateful for the lows and highs life deals

So like don't go away
But please visit less frequently

Sincerely,
The woman you pester repeatedly

Growth Says...

Because in due time God will build my stage, and on that stage I'll use this voice.

Worth It

Sometimes you have to do things backwards to have clarity. Like as much as I really wanted to be the type of woman who knew her worth from young enjoy and all the other wonderful things that come along with that I never was, never will be. I mean it's taken years of me trying to appraise worth and getting the value wrong before I thought best to leave it up to the expert. It wasn't until I had my daughter that I was able get this peek into my true net worth and it felt uncomfortably high. Huh, who would've known...

"No mortal comprehends its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living" Job 28:13

Frankincense

Audio to a poem I wrote back in 2012 Frankincense.
Enjoy.

-Erin + Ella

Pouring Into The Broken Glass

There are many times in life where we are called to nurture relationships that don't give us instant gratification. Relationships that real just take a lot out of us but are vital to our personal growth and beneficial to all involved in the long run. Now's my time, to pour into somebody who never poured into me, and did everything to try to break me. Now they need my cooperation.

Life is funny that way. The doors you want to stay closed the most never do. I'm struggling and fighting the urge to be petty but I can't walk into this situation naively accommodating them and pushing my needs to the side. So where's the middle? What's the balance between accommodating and push over? It starts with boundaries (I never had any with this person before). Setting and committing to the items I will not compromise on. I'm sure each day and each situation will call for different levels of accommodation but at least I have a starting point